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September 28, 2010

'Parent' Peeves

 1. Parents who smoke around their children and mothers who smoke while pregnant – I think I once came close to smacking a pregnant teen when I saw her smoking. And unfortunately, I’ve seen many parents (especially fathers) who smoke around their children, sometimes even holding a baby in one hand and a cigarette in another. Honestly, how ignorant? How stupid? How selfish? I have always hated smoking and since my father passed away from cancer, I’ve detested it even more. It’s gross and dangerous. I told Sunvi before we got married that 3 things were deal breakers: Smoking (he quit soon after), Cheating (no second chances) and Beating. This leads me to my next peeve.

2. Father who beats his wife/mother of his children – growing up in a house where your mother is abused and beaten by the one person who is supposed to be your protector, imagine the consequences. Forget beating, there are a lot of crap fathers out there who are constantly demeaning, disrespecting and verbally abusing mothers; I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

3. Parents who get intoxicated and hurt their children – how many stories have you heard on the news or seen on TV/movie where a parent comes home drunk and beats his children or causes havoc in the house? One of the reasons co-sleeping/bed sharing has gotten a bad rep is due to parents who get drunk, lie down in the same bed as their infant and then suffocate/overlay the poor child. They are too passed out to even notice the squirming, crying baby under them.

4. Parents who don’t seem to care (and I’m not guessing, I’ve seen the blantant carelessness) about doing anything concerning bad habits that their children have – parents who let their child have chocolate bars for lunch. Parents of a 6 year old who haven’t even bothered to TRY to wean their child off the pacifier, instead they hand the pacifier over to the child every night. Or the parents of child who is 9 (and no medical conditions) and still wears a diaper to bed…seriously…9 years and you still can’t make the effort or PUT in the HARD WORK to potty train your child?

5. Parents who don’t take their children aside to teach them good manners when the children obviously need to learn some– its easy to let the first rude behavior slide by, but the more you wait to teach children good manners, the harder it’ll get…unless you don’t even really care if they have good manners or not. Simple things like saying thank you can be taught, or when guests are over at the house, its not so hard teaching your children to come out of their rooms to say a simple hello or respond to a “How are you?” with a “I’m fine, thank you.” I’ve seen parents who actually think their child is being submissive and weak if they say thank you too much. :o

6. Parents who don’t bother to ask their children to apologize when they misbehave, hit or use bad language with elders/strangers – the child at the supermarket who runs up and kicks a stranger in the legs and the mother just grabs the child and walks away. Maybe she will apologize, but she doesn’t bother to take that opportunity to teach her child to say sorry and teach her child why that is unacceptable behavior. Don’t even get me started on a child who swears at their elders (aunts, uncles or grandparents) and then not disciplined. Discipline without spanking or yelling.I understand that some children are more difficult than others...heck I'm almost sure Arissa will be too...but that shouldn't excuse a parent from teaching their children right and wrong.

7. Parents who say they did something for ‘the best’ when it so obviously was not in the best interest of the child, rather it was in their own best interest – “I chose to make my BABY independent, by leaving him/her to play by themselves for long periods of time. It’s for the best.” Umm…no…You chose to do that because it was a less physically demanding and more convenient option for you than carrying your BABY or at least playing with them.

8. Parents who see their children as burdens AND complain about it with like minded parents – “Oh My God! Keeping him was the worst decision I made. I have no time for anything in my life. I can’t remember the last time I  got drunk. Haha!” That my friends, was an actual conversation I happened to eavesdrop (Yes, sometimes I eavesdrop) on while waiting for the bus. Sad truly.

9. Mothers who allow their pre-teen daughters to wear makeup, mothers who allow their pre-teens/teens to dress like sluts – I don’t know if the mother are more to blame, or the clothing lines and media. If Arissa grows up and one day you happen to see 12 year old her in anything more than clear lip gloss, wearing trends that the future Paris Hiltons or Lindsay Lohans are wearing…please send me a very rude email…telling me I SUCK…or if you know me well enough…come over and give me a smack and a lecture.

Last peeve for today…(This applies to places where having a maid/in-house nanny is the norm) 10. Mother who are perfectly willing to allow the maid to raise their child. Yes, I understand that sometimes mothers have to work or go to school. But I am not talking about those mothers. I am talking about the ones who give birth and think the hard part is over. They hand their infant over to the maid and go back to their old lifestyles. Too many mothers in these countries have to luxury of having a maid feed, bathe, dress and put their little ones to sleep. I don’t understand…if you weren’t planning on fulfilling all these motherly duties then why did you have the child anyways? Trophy child? Back when I was 12 years old and came to Bangladesh for a while, I used to see my neighbors baby being held by the maid ALL THE TIME. I don’t think I EVER saw his mom hold him. And this maid would take the baby up to the roof and put him on the edge, stick her finger in his mouth to take whatever crap he had grabbed out. Even as a 12 year old, I used to wonder how a mother could trust another person with such a small child, especially when that person was not educated in basic baby things. I think a mother AND/OR father (hoping most children have a mother or at least father) should be the ONLY primary caregivers to a child, and grandparents and aunts and uncles come in as SECONDARY caregivers. Once the child is out of infancy and into toddlerhood…qualified/educated nannies or daycare workers become the next appropriate level of caregivers. But seriously, what is with these moms who have nothing else to do at home but care for a wonderful child and instead they choose to spend their time doing other less important selfish things. Its fine if the mommy is cooking or in the bath or out to work. But when your home doing nothing more important...why would you give your baby to a maid? How will a baby be able to distinguish the maid/nanny from the mother? How is a mother supposed to bond with her child if all the child's needs are being met by someone else?

Anyways, I am done my rant for today. My blog...My opinions, I’m entitled to them. And I’m sure one day I’ll probably do something or am doing something that will end up on someone else’s list.


Afrina said...

Wow I thought exactly the same for my future baby (inshaAllah) on points 1,5,9 and 10 but I also absolutely agree with every other points of yours..very good blog entry apu :)

Antara said...

Thank you! I'm glad I'm not the only one who is so strict about these things!

Noni said...

antara this is a very well written article and i definitely agree with u

another thing i think a lot pf parents do is bribe their kids. this is not advisable in my opinion, no matter wat the results. if u tell the child that they will get a 100 dollars if they get a 100 on the exam, they never realize that it is good internally to get a 100 on the exam. so they never do it for any other reason.

Parents are always saying things like, if you sit still for an hour I will give you candy or something along those lines. Parents should be telling them things like if they are well behaved, it will make the parents proud of them and they can do something to celebrate. this not only increases the self esteem of the child, it increases respect towards the parent and internalizes the need to do good and be good

Antara said...

I TOTALLY AGREE! I have many many more peeves that I chose not to write because well then I would come off as very anal I guess lol... but that is definitely one of them. I see in front of my eyes a child who is basically treated like his time is more valuable than anything...if the parents say, we are going grocery shopping or to the mall, his immediate response is no...then his parents say...they will buy him a toy and only then he agrees...this child NEVER does anything without selfish intentions. I believe that children who do good in school should be rewarded for their efforts once they have shown they want to do good for themselves...not for a toy or game...I don't even believe in the giving allowance for chores... I will teach my daughter that doing chores is a part of being in the family...I don't get paid for it and neither will she...If she gets an will be at the end of the month so she can put it towards buying something she wants or saving it for something bigger later...but I'm glad there are some people out there who understand the need to have RULES with their children...I actually feel bad for the kids who grow up without them

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